Human Again
by Tour de Force
Summary: Two-shot. Finnick and Johanna are human, but just barely. They long for the days before this and think about the things that allow them to keep going.
1. Machine

**Author's Note- Okay, so I got this idea while watching Beauty and the Beast, thus the title. But, no I swear it doesn't have anything to do with dancing teapots or candelabras. It's just about the Victors and the Hunger Games. **

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Machine

I know I am still human. Somewhere, deep inside of myself, I must still be human.

Humans experience emotions like patience, empathy, and sympathy. Currently, Katniss Everdeen is testing my patience, I am feeling rather empathetic towards Finnick for having put up with her, and sympathetic for Peeta who happened to fall in love with the most thick and annoying girl ever to exist.

But, sometimes I still have my doubts. After all, most of the time I am bitter, hateful, angry, and highly irritable. I've been this way for a long time, ever since my Dad got in a logging accident and my Mom ran off with that drunkard leaving me with Sergei and Mischa. It got even worse after the Games.

I came home to find Sergei had been beaten up and killed on the streets and that Mischa was just a shell of what she used to be. Despite the fact that I was now rich and had everything Mischa and I could ever want, I was still unhappy. I guess she was too.

What else could make you volunteer for a thirteen year-old you've never met and enter the Hunger Games? Trying to mentor my suicidal, emotionless sister has been one of the hardest tasks I've ever come up against. It was so difficult to remain somewhat calm when I just wanted to scream at her and ask why she stopped caring. It was even harder than watching her remain impassive while a vicious Career stabbed her in the heart.

The one good thing that year is that I met Finnick. I had won 4 years ago, Finnick had won 2 years ago, and Annie won that year. I remember sitting next to him in the Viewing Room reserved for Victors and Mentors, watching him watch the screens with intense scrutiny. Every time Annie was shone on screen, his face either lit up or became wracked with fear.

I don't believe he left the room once after the dam broke. Not until Annie got back in the Capitol anyway.

I used to be able to relate to being in love, even when it's kind of hopeless. I was in love with Rowan after all. Until _**she**_ came along. It was during the Games. I had gone through those Games with nothing but Rowan on my mind. I wanted to win so badly so I could come home to him. Only, when I got home, he didn't care anymore. I got a "congratulations", but he didn't want to be together anymore.

Maybe that's why I hate Katniss so much. So what if she lost her dad? I've lost my mother, father, sister, brother, and boyfriend and I have no one left. I know she's terrified of losing them, but she hasn't learned one of life's greatest lessons yet- you have to enjoy everything while you have it. She shouldn't be so cautious with Peeta. One day, he may not be there.

I would tell her that. Offer it as a piece of advice. But only real people give advice. I'm not a real person I am a machine. I don't feel emotion and therefore I don't get hurt anymore. The old wounds are still there though. I guess things like that don't heal.

Some days, I wish I was human again. I've killed too many, though, and I hurt too much to ever return. I'm gone. But on days such as this, it's nice to return and imagine what could have been. Besides, in these Games who knows how much longer I will exist at all?


	2. Planet

**Author's Note: I don't own the story Suzanne Collins does and she's an absolute genius. Here's my one-shot on Finnick pondering his humanity. **

Planet

I think I should have been a planet. I am virtually lifeless, yet I keep moving anyway for one reason- Annie. Annie is my sun. She keeps me going even when I feel like I am worthless and should have just died in the Arena ten years ago.

I liked her from the moment I first met her eleven years ago. She was a year younger than I was in school, so she and I never interacted much. That was until I knocked into her at the docks one day.

I worked on a fishing boat to support myself since my mother died when I was young and my dad had never been around. I was finishing up mending my nets and was getting ready to go back to my "house", when she tripped over me while trying to go see her brother. She had caused me to let go of one of my nets and it had fallen into the water. I was looking up to tell her off when I saw her eyes. They were a beautiful shade of green, the same bright green color of some of the plants near the shore.

I fell for her that very minute and I have never looked back. We apologized to one another after the run-in and she invited me to dinner to make up for the net. Her family graciously allowed me to eat with them and they were very welcoming. This was, by far, the happiest point in my life. Too bad it only lasted a year.

I was drawn for the Reaping at age fourteen. I had only 8 entries out of the approximately 7000 slips of paper in the bowl. I had no one to volunteer for me either; District Four may be a Career district, but it's nowhere near as cut-throat as One or Two. We don't all have a death wish, you know.

No one expected me to last- until I got to the Capitol, that is.

I guess I was sort of gorgeous. I mean I was never one to say I didn't look good, but it's not like it was going to help me get by. No one was going to feed or shelter you in District 4 merely because you were a good-looking kid.

I was a huge success. The Capitol loved me. I was young, handsome, talented- everything they wanted in their Tributes. I won though I probably would not have if it wasn't for overzealous sponsors who sent everything I could have ever wanted or needed. Most didn't even realize the secret to my success until it was far too late. I was unstoppable with my trident and I could impale anyone who crossed my path.

My Games lasted only lasted 17 days, but it's amazing how quickly people can change.

I came back to Annie an entirely different person. She understood though, and could alleviate some of the fears and anxieties that came with being a Victor. I had the nightmares, the survivor's guilt, and the detachment and felt as if nothing would ever be right again. And I was right.

A mere five years later, Annie's name was drawn. I had done everything in my power to make sure she wasn't chosen. I made sure she never had to take tessarae and I attempted to pull a few strings with Luxor, our escort. All my efforts were wasted, as she was chosen in her last year of eligibility.

I vowed to her though that I would make sure she made it out alive. I meant it, too. I was going to do everything possible to ensure that she made it out in one piece. But inside I was heart-broken.

My sun was going to explode. Annie would never be the same when she came out of the Arena, whether she was dead or the Victor. I was glued to the screen in the viewing room. I never left and I was constantly on the phone, trying to persuade some of my former sponsors to send gifts.

What I wasn't expecting was for Elisha to get himself beheaded right in front of Annie. Annie had known Elisha for her entire life. He was her next-door neighbor and the younger brother of her best friend. Seeing him killed in such a gruesome way threw her over the edge. The entire experience was far too much for someone so pure and good to handle. She'd seen at least 5 kids die and many others get wounded. Elisha was the last straw for her.

So she ran and hid. Finally, the dam bust. The entire Arena had been set up like a savannah. Tall grasses were abundant and there were very few trees. There were lots of rocks though and a gigantic waterfall. Some idiot from District Five drowned while trying to cross the river at the top of the waterfall and apparently his body got stuck in the filter. The entire dam burst, flooding the Arena. Annie was the only one left who could swim, therefore the only survivor.

The thing that I resent most about the Capitol and the Games is that they took Annie. She's still here, physically. But she doesn't talk anymore. She used to be able to chatter for hours about anything, but now she just stares into space with a far-off look in her eyes. Then at night, she has the most horrific nightmares. She cries hysterically and starts screaming and waving her arms at nothing. No other Victor that I've heard of has had to deal with this severe of nightmares.

Mags assured me that it's nothing that I could have prevented. She says Annie was always sensitive to other people and her reaction was just her body's way of protecting itself. It doesn't really help, though I give Mags credit for trying.

More than anything, I want Annie to get better again. I wish she'd never gone in the Games. I'd rather be dead than know she's never going to come back. But the odds are slim. I've taken her to see all sorts of fancy Capitol doctors and none of them can fix her. She's broken.

I wonder, when the sun explodes, to all the planets that orbit die, too?


End file.
